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Desultory Incarceration

by Carlton 

Posted: 14 November 2004
Word Count: 85
Summary: A point of desperation, followed by such joyous hope, dashed by pre-determined separation, but all is not lost-yet!

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I am desecrated by my emotion
that tumultuous moiling sea
of passion and despair
that washes over me

For I have wronged so heinously
no one but God can see
and Lucifer has penanced me
in this mire of misery

But listen the heraldic Angel sings
and fate steps in with you
but just as fast that Lucifer
places oceans between you and me

And now I wait out this purgatory
with all around not dead
yet living without life
in sorrow, grief and dread.

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Comments by other Members

juleschoc at 17:47 on 14 November 2004  Report this post
Oh dear..this poem makes me wonder what on earth you have done you poor soul lol. I feel quite sorry for you, Carlton. A good thing because your poem has evoked some emotion!

I'd be careful with your choice of words..rape for example doesn't seem to fit. I immediately associated it with a sexual assault. Also 'swirling sea' is a bit cliched.

Another thing you could think about is old poetic langauage...'thee' and 'Yet hark' the culprits. I took a poetry module at university and the lecturer advised somebody else who did this not to do it. Apparently it's 'old hat'.

Like some of the phrases here...mire of misery for example. Last two lines round it off well.

Might be an idea to write another poem or a short story about the terrible sin that caused this affliction!Go on..put me out of my misery and tell me all!!!!

Carlton at 07:28 on 15 November 2004  Report this post
Good, Good, thank you Juliet. Yes, the original choice of words was spontaneous, but I could only ever see this piece from one perspective. At the time I did feel assaulted by them, but feelings are as changeable as the seasons. Not really such a terrible sin, more a time of extreme confusion and conflicting ideals. My work at this time is entirely to do with an evolving situation, not necessarily uploaded in any particular order.
Thanks for the critique, do the changes detract from the overall essence of it?

PaulAnthony at 12:44 on 15 November 2004  Report this post

Dark and despairing.

Well structured. I enjoyed.

Thank you

Carlton at 13:25 on 15 November 2004  Report this post
Thanks Paul, glad you liked it.

Tuppence at 14:17 on 15 November 2004  Report this post
poem 2 commit suicide to

Tuppence at 14:19 on 15 November 2004  Report this post
find the joy it's out there

Carlton at 15:48 on 15 November 2004  Report this post
No one takes themselves that seriously tuppence, besides, suicides painless, what's the point?

Tuppence at 08:53 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
theme tune 2 mash wasn't it?suicide is painless i don't think so
that's y i write nonsense in between serious stuff

Carlton at 09:06 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
And very refreshing it is too Tuppence

Tuppence at 14:57 on 22 January 2005  Report this post
just read it again
it haunts me
very evocative & made me think x

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