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Oops!

by brightdynamo 

Posted: 17 November 2004
Word Count: 68


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I sometimes get the feeling
That Iím getting on your wick
When youíre slightly tense with me
Your words are terse and quick
I pray that patience starts to come,
You understand me more
I know that Iím a silly moo
And sometimes Iím a bore
Iím sorry that you feel this way
I hate to see you blue
But please remember that sometimes
Youíre quite annoying too!






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Comments by other Members



paul53 [for I am he] at 14:13 on 23 March 2005  Report this post
What, no comments? The trouble with not being in a group is that you'll only get read if this pops up under the Random Read facility - as this just has.

Now then, being gentle, if you recite your poem out loud to yourself, you'll find an unnatural pause at the start of line three which disappears if you change "you're" to "you are" i.e. by adding the missing syllable. It will now flow straight through from start to finish. Try reading all your poems aloud to highlight any similar flaws.

If you want to get into writing poetry, I urge you to join a group. I host group II. It's full at present, but someone might get fed up with me quite soon. Whatever you do, post some more, and send me a note by WW Mail when you do so I don't miss it.

Paul


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