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Transience

by Adam 

Posted: 22 June 2003
Word Count: 98


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A gleam of light amid the incipient darkness,
An incandescent glow, transient, fading
Into the caress of the enveloping blackness.

The clouds are lined with a faint trace of sunlight,
A vague remnant, transient, recalling the day’s past,
Promising days to come, and imminent night.

We walk amongst the living, we lie aside the dead.
The light, once transient, doused by the abyss,
Dappled but fading, shades of inexistence: pure red.

Close your eyes and you will see

A gleam of light amid the incipient darkness,
An incandescent glow, transient, fading
Into the caress of the enveloping blackness.







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Comments by other Members



poemsgalore at 12:35 on 27 July 2003  Report this post
I'm not sure about this, the repetition of the words insipient, transient and incandescent seemed a little too much. What was the meaning behind this?
Although I do like the second verse, "The clouds are lined with a faint trace of sunlight,
A vague remnant, transient, recalling the day’s past,
Promising days to come, and imminent night."

Adam at 13:24 on 27 July 2003  Report this post
It's not one of my favourites either. I think I'm striving too hard to create an effect which is just not willing to emerge. I especially dislike the 'We walk amongst the living' line: it's so crass! I had a period in my life where I hadn't written poetry for a couple of years and I dipped my toes, so to speak, by writing poems such as these with definite structures.

Anyway, thanks for your comments,

Adam


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