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River Beat

by laurafraser 

Posted: 13 December 2004
Word Count: 168


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But the river ran bubbling and squealing
and I thought I understood.
And the fairy boat, the
big boat, booped and sang a tune.
And we all laughed and drank whisky and
we all sang and made love
in rooms that smelt of burnt chickpeas
and burnt wet timber wood.

And I always think back on those days,
days those days that
I think back on.
When blood stayed behind skin
and hearts beat beat and beat their regular beat beat,
but only on those days that I think back on.

Those were days, days in the past
that perhaps we should think back on.
Back to the beat beat,
the beat in the heat on the boat that we stayed on and drank on,
making love on singing songs on.
When blood stayed behind skin.
Only perhaps if we donít
skin is easily ripped and hearts so easily stopped.

And a thought presents itself:
Memories cavort in empty heads
Whose eyes are too fixed on the future.






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Comments by other Members



Ticonderoga at 10:08 on 13 December 2004  Report this post
You are an enchantress, aren't you?! Everything you write casts a spell. Hypnotic rhythms here.

Yrs admiringly,

Mike

joanie at 10:17 on 13 December 2004  Report this post
laura, this is exccellent. I agree with Mike - the rhythms are wonderful - mesmerising, soporific.

I like the starts of stanzas with 'but' and 'and'.

I really enjoyed this.

joanie

miffle at 11:07 on 13 December 2004  Report this post
Lovely rhythms and repetitions which begin I think to create a rippling river effect... perhaps you could do more with that? Tumbling words perhaps let to run even looser, freer ? Like the line 'when blood stayed behind skin'. Nikki

laurafraser at 17:05 on 13 December 2004  Report this post
Mike-thank-you for your comment-most exhilarating to read!
xlaura

Joanie, almost took out the 'but' so reassured that seems to suit for someone! thank-you for reading
xlaura

Nikki,
thank-you for the suggestion, will have a play with what you said and see what I come up with! Thank-you for reading
xlaura

DerekH at 00:45 on 21 December 2004  Report this post
I'd buy a book full of poems like this one! I think I've said before, I don't usually read poetry... But there is something very different about your writing...Magical and musical.

Derek.




laurafraser at 18:18 on 09 January 2005  Report this post
derek-thank-you! increadibly flattered by your comments-the musical element that you draw attention to makes me smile as i am never sure if it is really there - when i write my poems i always seems to have a 'beat' or a melody in my head that the words blend around -though i do not have the deliberate intention to evoke musicality into what i write it seems inevitable that i do when i look at the finished piece...
thank-you as always for your comments
xlaura


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