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BRONCOBUSTER

by TheGodfather 

Posted: 19 January 2005
Word Count: 80


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That mom should have known what her kid was doing,
but he was smart.
She stood at the vending machine,
the lines and lines of food
staring and hollering,
"Eat me!"
But there's her kid,
that four year old redheaded bullrider.
He's sitting on top of the shopping cart
waving his right arm in circles.
He bounces up and down,
pulling and thrusting with his grip.
He knows his role
whether or not the mom ever sees.
He's a broncobuster.






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Comments by other Members



Brian Aird at 09:58 on 19 January 2005  Report this post
I'm getting used to your subtle style, or at least what I've seen recently. Its all about observation; making it real, colourful and insightful.

Maybe, I'll try to do the same. My next thought was that first I have to get out more! But the beauty of it is that you just need to observe life, wherever you are.

So the supermarket, the 'pub', watching a game, the doctors surgery - they all work.

It's like making a poetic travelogue of everyday life.



Brian





joanie at 23:56 on 19 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Godfather! I agree, Brian. I love the observation of everyday things. This is lovely - well observed indeed.

joanie

jewelsx at 01:45 on 20 January 2005  Report this post
Hi,

I enjoyed the piece and have went back to it more than once. I have worked many part time jobs in the kind of supermarket place your poem conjures up for me, and the whole scenario you have set feels authentic. It's a beautiful obsevation that many people do witness but rarely take the time to see.

On a more technical note, i like the way the first line is longer than all the rest, it really starts the poem off on a strong direction and idea that you follow through. For me it works well.

julie

gard at 17:44 on 22 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Godfather

all of the above! Nice images of everyday life perhaps a part of a theme set?

I suppose my only crit would be that I thought this piece needed to be tightened up a bit; pruned and formed a bit more. I thought that this piece would be excellent if you did that.....


G

Mr B. at 19:01 on 24 January 2005  Report this post
You can tell a lot about people from the chair they sit on - and that little pull-out thing in a trolley is an interesting subject. What status does that toddler sat in it truly have?

Cheers,

Anthony

TheGodfather at 05:36 on 14 February 2005  Report this post
Thanks everyone for reading this one. It was fun to think up this young lad and give a little sexual foreshadowing and commentary on the life of some men. Are they that way from birth?

TheGodfather


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