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by stephanieE 

Posted: 27 June 2003
Word Count: 182
Summary: A short, short, piece, written in response the the exercise 'Describe an encounter in less than 200 words without dialogue'. This led me to the idea of writing erotica...

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He peeled the black dress slowly away from her neck, gently easing the fabric across the smooth rounded shoulders, like peeling the tough outer leaves from an artichoke to reveal the ripe vegetable beneath. He kissed the soft skin at her throat, skin the colour of creamed salmon mousse, that tasted sweetly of honey, and raised in goosebumps like the texture of a freshly plucked strawberry. He caressed the curves of her body, feeling its firmness as carefully as he would test a melon, pushing the dress finally to the floor, and standing back to critically survey her naked perfection, searching for flaws in the presentation. She straightened her stance under his appraising gaze, as he bent to her breast, the aureoles brown and smooth as an almond shell, and touched the expectant nipples with his tongue. She shuddered as he sucked harder, revelling in the sweet, almost spicy taste of her, nutmeg and musk, pulling her towards him, kneading her back like a troublesome dough, as he guided her inexorably towards the closed door that led to his very private kitchen.

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Comments by other Members

Nell at 20:10 on 27 June 2003  Report this post
Aha, sex and food! An interesting combination which creates a very sensual effect.

I think if you replaced one of the peels at the beginning it would flow more smoothly just there.

I love 'kneading her back like troublesome dough'.

I'm not sure whether I find the piece erotic - perhaps you need other feedback than mine for this, but it reads beautifully.

I do hope he's not going to eat her in that kitchen of his! No double entendre intended!

Best, Nell.

bluesky3d at 00:18 on 28 June 2003  Report this post

A veritable feast Stephanie! This is great fun!

I enjoyed all the allusions to the different foods.

I kind of imagined it was Jamie Oliver!

There is a comedy game on 'I am sorry I havent a Clue' on BBC Radio 4, and it also rather reminded me of that. (meant as compliment :o) cos it's fun!)

I certainly think it is the sort of piece that could and have a freeing-up effect, and could easily be developed into something longer.

Andrew :o)

llydstp at 11:18 on 28 June 2003  Report this post
A mouth-watering erotic feast. I can't wait to get to the moment when the mayonnaise is added to the meal!

bluesky3d at 18:41 on 28 June 2003  Report this post
double entendre moi? likewise... Stephanie Nell and Steve, and none intended with my comment either, of course!

A :o)

Becca at 10:28 on 29 June 2003  Report this post
If I'd been her I'd have bopped him one right on the nose, she naked and he's inspecting her critically, needs a damn good thrashing if you ask me. But that's OK, because I'm in the kitchen waiting for him, ... and his piece of dough.

stephanieE at 13:46 on 29 June 2003  Report this post
Thanks chaps! I'm glad you enjoyed it - it was certainly fun to write... I did wonder if the implication at the end might be that he was going to take her away and do something gruesomely cannabilistic to her, but only a few people seem to have picked up on that.

And Becca, if it was me, he wouldn't have had the time to stand back, or the opportunity...

Sarah at 16:46 on 30 June 2003  Report this post
This is hilarious (reminds me of Fred trying to write a love poem to Wilma, and telling her that her eyes are like frying pans). The juxtaposition is great....

Hilary Custance at 12:24 on 01 July 2003  Report this post
An even better distraction from work. That was such fun. Like a slow trip round a Murillo still life with Dejeuner sur l'herbe thrown in.

As a sculptor, I am OK with the standing back critically surveying stuff. Whoops! I think that makes me the man in this encounter?

Not sure if it worked erotically, but that was only because the visual feast sort of took over for me. Good fun anyway, and I see no warning from David, so good 'clean' fun too. Hilary

Ralph at 13:47 on 02 July 2003  Report this post
Hey Stephanie
It really comes across that you enjoyed writing this, which is wonderful for the reader. I agree with Becca about the critical observation...if you're going to extend this one it's definitely worth giving her a bit more room to turn the (kitchen?) tables.... Thanks for posting this - it's excellent :)



mip1980 at 16:02 on 02 July 2003  Report this post
A great discriptive passage, you've really grasped the the feelings and the emotions of the characters movements. A very interesting piece of work.

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