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now a Thought, not a Truth.

by laurafraser 

Posted: 16 February 2005
Word Count: 74


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Cloudless skies hide the storms brewing somewhere else,
A blank canvas taunts the artist,
The empty page the writer.
Emptiness: a much-maligned concept amongst us humans,
We do not Ďget ití,
Faced with it, we become uneasy, feel so slightly queasy.

Nothingness and emptiness.
Emptiness and nothingness.

It is from them we sprint, on our eternal run.
But turn as you flee
And maybe one day youíll see,
Action canít ever make you free.






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Comments by other Members



Okkervil at 10:19 on 16 February 2005  Report this post
Wee. Poem. Not sure wat to say. I think I am left, erm, nihilistic, but cheered ever so slightly by the rhymes (I like how you throw rhymes into unstructured pieces- I never think o'doing that, for fear of tripping up the pace, but for you, it seems to work!). I'd change 'It is from them, we sprint our eternal run.' to 'We sprint from them, our eternal run', bu that's jus' a thought- I tripped a little around that bit. Also, 'can't ever' is such an incongruous choice over 'can never' that I'm lead to believe that was a concious decision...(not criticism, just curiousity). I like the drop from metaphor to literal...ness in the first three lines, like a really fast zoom. Maybe there's no need for the gap? I suppose there is if you want attention drawn to it, but maybe it would work better as one stanza, keep a flow instead of a theatrical pause, because the point it ends on seems to seek justification (supplied consequently in the next stanza) more than sit happily on its own meaning. Does that make sense? Ahaha! Get a load of James trying to be construcive in his posts. I may drop this approach, and settle for an 'I liked it, woo!' Which I did.

Bye!

James

laurafraser at 10:45 on 16 February 2005  Report this post
james,
thank-you for your comments-and no please do not switch to the 'I liked it, woo!" approach-although ovbiously pleasing to read, as comments like yours always make one [i[really re-think what they've written
was not meant to be nihilistic, "action can't ever make you free' as i said is only a thought and makes no claims to be a truth, i think most of people's unhappiness stems from dissapointment when things fail to live up to their expectations and then they exert massive amounts of energy to try and change that what they want change, when sometimes great peace and ecstasy can come from quite simply doing nothing-whether that be a zen approach, or a whatever word describes that approach, be it as it may, but more and more i believe in the notion that when the pupil is ready the teacher will appear and so to in life when the moment is ready the 'thing' will appear, wherther that be the job you want, or the g/friend/b/friend etc
Of course action is required if you want a great body-go to the gym, eat less etc but the constant emphasis on action i think can be harmful sometimes in that it isn't necdssarily the most natural of things...oh bo*****s! didn't mean to meander off into this pseudo-philosophphical littering of words-back to your comments!
i have changed "it is from them, we sprint...run" as you can see above...i thought about your suggestion but to me "we sprint form them, our eternal run" sounds slightly ambigious almost as if 'our eternal run" has become personalised and i fear in doing so might loose it's symbolic meaning and take on a literal meaning...?
with regards to "can never" and "can't ever" matter of what to me sounded better and fitted within the sound of the poem as well as "can never" although possibly smoother, sounds too final to me, whereas the abreviation of "can't ever" possibly offers hope that the 'can't' can metamorphose into a 'can'...
and then the word 'ever' what does that word mean exactly??! that whole notion of 'for ever and ever' is a total conceit, it takes one by the hand, whispers sofly into the ear of a tomorrow and an eternity that no one can be sure of exists...and so the very nature of it is simply "a thought" "not a truth"-as i think most of what we say is verbitim in life are in actual "fact" thoughts and ideas to be explored by the individual, not simply accepted.

And i rambled again-sincerest apologies and hope you havn't fallen off your chair in somnabulitic trance....
xlaura

laurafraser at 10:49 on 16 February 2005  Report this post
also james tried what you suggested re moulding it into one stanza, but not convinced it works. i think the break is needed-first one ends with idea of being "queesy"-reader wants to (hopefully!) understand or enquire as to why this is the case...and so reads on...
laura

Beanie Baby at 14:11 on 17 February 2005  Report this post
Hello again, Laura.
This is quite singular in that it comes over differently to some of your others. I like the irregular use of rhyme, too. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but it comes over as if the narrator is at a life-changing crossroads - bit like Dorothy on The Wizard of Oz. Considering it is so confrontational and quite 'moody' (in a questioning sort of way), it actually comes over as fairly light-hearted - a kind of 'laughing in the face of life'. I really like it. 10 out of 10 to you!!!!
Beanie

laurafraser at 15:12 on 17 February 2005  Report this post
beanie,

i am interested that you say this comes out 'differently to some" of my others-only because I was very clear in my head as to how i wanted this poem styled etc whereas sometimes I allow pieces to evolve as i play with them, and am often surprused by end product...
'narrator' not so much at personal crossroads as this is very much my voice and perceptions being put across, this poem is what i really believe in and actually think there is a lot of work to do with this piece to make that voice resonate slightly more-but am a lazy plop at the moment and revisionism has never been my 'thing' and i like that you found that aspect of 'laughing in the face of life' aspect in it-because laughter i think is one of the most fundamentally important expressions a human being can have-and oh its so important!
thanks again beanie xlaura

Ticonderoga at 13:46 on 19 February 2005  Report this post
As Artaud said, laura, it's all we can do to keep on filling the void; that really is all 'art' is - filling the void. Nicely (old sense) expressed.



Best,


Mike

laurafraser at 18:05 on 21 February 2005  Report this post
Antoin Artaud was a genius of a man/thinker/visionary/playwright/philosopher/wit-or have i just given a list of euphemisms... wasn't he?
'Filling the void," interesting concept given that the inate 'characteristic' (for lack of a better word) of 'void,' is nothingness-or should that be everythingness?
i am not sure if art can ever quite help 'fill' the void, simply decorate it perhaps with a few interesting colours and shapes, try and 'fill it' till its full and you'll be like the blind man going back and forth agaiinst a wall, becoming increasingly irate as he try's to get past
Thank-you Mike for your comment and for mentioning Artaud, you have inspired me to go and find my books of his and do some re-reading-and if you havn't read his plays-read them they are exquisite
Laura

Ticonderoga at 15:30 on 22 February 2005  Report this post
Laura - I'm an Artaud fanatic; I have read everything!!! In fact have a work in progress (play) about him.


Best, Mike

laurafraser at 15:32 on 22 February 2005  Report this post
How exciting! and what a fabulously delicious subject-look forward to reading/seeing it

XLaura

Ticonderoga at 15:37 on 22 February 2005  Report this post
May have to wait a while. It's called 'Shocking Artaud', and is based on the 51 electro-shocks he recieved, thus fragmenting any need for linear narrative and allow cinematic 'flashes' of aspects and times of his life.
Strongly recommend The Screaming Body by Stephen Barber, if you haven't read it.


Best,


Mike

<Added>

allowing, allowing!!

laurafraser at 19:45 on 22 February 2005  Report this post
thanks mike will have look when this pollution of dissertations has swept me by...and look forward to it!

all the best with your writing, if you ever need any comments on it would be more than thrilled to help

XLaura

Ticonderoga at 15:04 on 24 February 2005  Report this post
I'll bear that in mind! Thanks.


Mike


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