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wet bed revenge

by roovacrag 

Posted: 01 March 2005
Word Count: 70
Summary: updated.


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"I want to ask a question Lord
an answer I must have
I took my snowman up to bed
while I took my bath.

When I came back,he had gone,
the bed all wet and soggy
Mummy got cross with me
and truly spanked my botty.

So dear Lord,I want to know
if you know where he lives,
tell me his address
so I can pee upon his bed ".






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 22:40 on 01 March 2005
Good laugh, Alice!!
joanie

roovacrag at 22:43 on 01 March 2005
Joan..Kids think when You build a snowman the are real.
They forget they melt.
xx Alice

Elsie at 22:43 on 01 March 2005
Alice - Ha! Lovely image - at first I thought you were a grown up taking a snowman to bed. Kind of surreal, thinking of how you'd drang Mr Frosty up there..I wonder whether, it's the line ' while I took my bath' that made me think you were speaking as an adult?

roovacrag at 22:51 on 01 March 2005
Elsie thanks for comments.
It's a poem I have ajusted,perhaps I should look again.

xx Alice

paul53 [for I am he] at 08:02 on 02 March 2005
Great fun. One of those wonderful things kids do.
Minor points:
Space after commas unless you’re the next e.e.cummings.
"Mummy got cross with me" to "Mummy got quite cross with me" or similar improves the flow of the second verse.
Final verse suggestion:
"tell me his address so I
can pee all over his bed"

Last line feels a little heavy
can go pee on his bed?
can pee upon his bed?



roovacrag at 20:43 on 02 March 2005
Paul, changed the ending as you was quite right it does sound better.
Many thanks for the comments I do listen to what you say. Prefer the direct comment rather than the flowery ones.

xx Alice

Ticonderoga at 14:28 on 05 March 2005
Funny and true - wouldn't feel entirely out of place in A Child's Garden Of Verses.


Best,

Mike

jewelsx at 20:41 on 05 March 2005
I thought this was great! Really good poem

jewelsx

Mr B. at 08:41 on 06 March 2005
I can imagine my two-year-old neice trying this! Had a good chuckle! I never took a snowman to bed, but I think I wore my parents out with trying to bring home other people's cats.

Cheers,

Anthony

Lawrenco at 20:42 on 06 March 2005
What as great little gem Alice really good ,great stuff ,so child like logic as well. Gave me a real laugh.

roovacrag at 21:04 on 06 March 2005
Mike thanks it is kids poem.

xx Alice

roovacrag at 21:05 on 06 March 2005
Jewels many thanks. Tis a kids thing.
Glad you liked it.

xxxxx Alice

roovacrag at 21:09 on 06 March 2005
Anthony.....Which is my youngest grandsons name.
Who would have taked the snowman to bed.

As you might have noticed..kids are great to finding a poem from.

xx Alice


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