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Freedom (Exercise Poem)

by joanie 

Posted: 11 March 2005
Word Count: 59
Summary: VERY experimental! An exercise in Poetry Seminar

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Belief's hot mud
which bites my throat
will hug its core
to death. Sharp eye
can kiss and say
hot lips are tough.

Important blue
turns soft until
few leathery
skins cut. Thin cloud
will ruin all
it tries to rout.

This wavering
must curve to bruise
my mind. Surprise
your dog tonight
by cutting loose
belief's hot mud.

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Comments by other Members

Nell at 08:55 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
Hi Joanie. I meant to finish my effort before looking at yours but temptation got the better of me. I looked at this last night and decided you’d done brilliantly with the meaninglessness but the words have been stewing around in my brain and ideas are beginning to take shape. Quick reading below – I must try to work on mine before it escapes me entirely!

‘Belief’s hot mud’ - clever to begin by taking an abstract word and linking it to something concrete, but I can interpret ‘hot’ as passion or fanaticism, and mud as something to become stuck or bogged down in. ‘Which bites my throat’ – which the narrator sees as attempting to kill her? ‘Will hug its core to death…’ More difficult, but can be seen as turning in on itself to cause its own destruction. At the moment lines from ‘Sharp eye can kiss and say hot lips are tough…’ to ‘rout’ are nicely meaningless, but perhaps something will occur to me while walking the dog! ‘A wavering must curve to bruise my thigh…’ could be interpreted as a wavering of that fanaticism turning against the narrator to cause her slight damage. The last sentence is ambiguous – does ‘cutting loose’ mean letting it go so it no longer bothers the ‘you’ in the poem, or freeing the awful thing to wreak mischief and destruction on the world?
You’ve risen wonderfully to the challenge though. I do wish the exercise had been slightly more specific as to whether we’re allowed to use other nouns, adjectives, verbs etc., and an example would have been helpful too, but one or two of those exercises are open to interpretation.


joanie at 09:04 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks for reading, Nell. I found this a strange one, albeit fascinating and great fun, as usual; the meaningless is really difficult because you can't help tying to be meaningful! I found it hard to post too, without some sort of explanation. It's quite amazing how meaning can be read into it without too much difficulty - that's poetry for you, I suppose.

Actually, it would be very interesting to post these without explanation and see what others make of them!

Thanks, Nell. I look forward to yours.


Elsie at 10:28 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
Hello Joanie. What a load of nonsense. (I mean that in the best possible way! ;) I think you've been more sucessful than me in being meaningless - as each section is meaningless, as well as the whole. Although mine was meaningless when I wrote it, I think it could be construed to tell a story. The final stanza - surprise your dog made me chuckle - really bizarre.

joanie at 10:46 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks Elsie. I think that's the nature of poetry, as I said to Nell; you can always read something into it!

Glad you thought it worked. It's not as easy as it seems - meaningless!

I am just about to read yours now.


Nell at 11:47 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
'Surprise your dog' is very funny, but it was 'surprise your friends' when I read it!

joanie at 12:08 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
I had a bit of a re-think at some point; I can't quite remember when!

I think I went back to make sure I had used 5 of the different parts of speech!

Mac AM at 20:01 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
This exercise has produced something very interesting from you Joanie. I keep reading it to find a meaning and just when I think I've got a link to something, I loose my thread. It is like a puzzle, in fact it is a Rubik's Cube and I couldn't so them with out a hammer!

It is certainly a good excercise for abstract thought.


joanie at 20:20 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks for reading and responding Mac. It was strange trying to write something meaningless, but good fun and thought-provoking.


Mac AM at 22:47 on 12 March 2005  Report this post
Yes it was fun. I've just commented on Nell's that I found it really difficult not to ascribe some kind of link or themes as I was writing mine. Even when trying to write nonsense, my head kept over riding my intent.

Just goes to show, writing nonsense is hard work!


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