The Maggot
Posted: 07 July 2003
Word Count: 159
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The maggot got into the apple
Eating through its side
Softening the flesh
It managed
To get
To the centre of its soul.
Pressing its soft body
Against its beating heart,
Against its very microkernel,
So that the lonely apple,
Dangling
From this oddly fruiting tree,
Mistook
The invasion
For friendship.
She spent hours each day
Talking with her maggot,
Her friend,
Her very own companion
Resident inside her,
When she should have been concentrating
On the
Warm rays of the sun
And the breezes
That blew by her face.
She spent hours
Each night
Listening
To what he had to say,
When she should have been sleeping
And concentrating
On growing ripe.
And then,
One day,
The maggot
Went away.
And all she had left
Was the infecting wound
That he had eaten
Into her body
And the fear,
That it may happen
All over again.
---Jib, Lucy Pugh House, Royal Oldham Hospital, 6.30 am, 02 Jul 2003
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Comments by other Members
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 Jibunnessa at 13:50 on 07 July 2003
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Personally, not sure if I like this poem or not. Sometimes, when I read it aloud, it sounds good. While at other times, it sounds twee and simplistic.
Go on guys! Trash this poem for me. Rip it to pieces! Tell me, how terrible you think it is.
---Jib
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poemsgalore at 18:57 on 07 July 2003
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Sorry, can't pull it to bits - I like it. The feeling I get is that you are talking about a bad relationship that's come to an end, hurting the person left behind. Very sad, but lovely.
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Jibunnessa at 21:48 on 07 July 2003
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Thanks for your kind words PG. I'm not too sure about it though. I like the idea. That's fine. Think it needs polishing. Or may be polishing isn't the right word. It needs sleeping on and returning later.
Thanks though. Glad you like it.
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Hilary Custance at 22:21 on 07 July 2003
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Hi Jib, no I did not find it twee. I think there is a children's story element here which may be what's worrying you. I think that works very well, you have the feeling that it is going to be a moral tale, and so it turns out. Put in that quiet storytelling voice I think it punches a deeper hole than if you had used fiercer 'adult' language. love the microkernal. I could have done without the last 'maggot' line.But that's just me. Hilary
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Jibunnessa at 23:37 on 07 July 2003
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Actually no Hilary. Now that you've pointed out the children's story element, it sounds rather good. If I think of it in those terms then I could even leave it alone and not make changes. thanks Hil!
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 James Graham at 14:51 on 08 July 2003
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Hi Jib - this looks very interesting. I'll be away for a few days but look forward to picking over (though certainly not trashing) the poem sometime next week.
James.
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James Graham at 16:06 on 17 July 2003
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Another addition to your bestiary - I recall the elephant, the fly, 'the bat/that hit the fan', and the 'scurrying lizard' that 'felt the gaze of a child against the wall'. Your animal/insect/reptile images are memorable. Here we have an extended metaphor - the wounding, 'rotting' effect of a bad relationship expressed as the maggot's spoiling of the apple. But there are one or two things that don't seem quite right to me. One is 'the fear/That it may happen/All over again'. A metaphor should work in both of its aspects, but I'm not sure it does in this detail. It works for the person who is wounded but not destroyed. The apple, though, is really finished off by the maggot, even its 'microkernel', and it will rot. Even if another maggot comes along it won't make a lot of difference, just hasten the inevitable. Does this correspond to the experience of the person? I'm not sure.
Another slight niggle is your change from 'it' to 'she'. Since, in the first section, 'it' already has a soul and a beating heart, why not use 'she' right from the start? (And 'he' for the maggot?)
One nit-picking question - why is the tree oddly fruiting? Finally, your last line - a cliche and a bit of an anti-climax. Maybe you need to rethink what you want to say at the end about maggots and men.
Looking forward to you demolishing these criticisms. The point about it happening over again I'm really not clear about, and your explanation will probably convince me.
James.
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Jibunnessa at 19:36 on 20 July 2003
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Hi Graham,
I hadn't noticed while writing it that I'd shifted from it to she/he. So, thanks for pointing that out.
The tree is oddly fruiting in the sence that it's not fruiting very well. Hence the apple's loneliness.
I don't personally really like the last line either. But I kept it the way I'd written it while lying in bed. I have no problem with it being a cliche though. Just that it doesn't go with the tone of the rest of the piece.
As for apples being finished once a maggot's got inside ...perhaps from a human perspective. But then, there was a time when women, once raped, were thought of as finished. A whole apple doesn't become rotten because of a maggot channel within. You could, if you wanted to, cut round it and eat the rest of the apple.
So, the question is, how many channels can a single apple afford to be cut into itself by how many deceptive, warm, soft-bodied maggots?
---Jib
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James Graham at 13:34 on 22 July 2003
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You put me right on the ability of the apple, and the person, to 'survive' more than one maggot. Your explanation of that point completely (and eloquently) answers my criticism. And I see 'oddly fruiting' too. 'Sparsely' would be more obvious, but 'oddly' still seems better. Still the last line...? Maybe something other than the maggot changing its spots?
James.
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