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Untitled
Posted: 04 May 2005
Word Count: 107
Summary: I just lost my darling
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No words emerge.
No tears,
Either.
All that is projected is confusion
And disbelief.
I am not a believer
That bad things happen to good people
I understand simply
That bad things do
Happen.
And usually
I’d quite enjoy
Talking to you
About my views on life and morality.
But I have not cried yet.
I have not spoken.
Another death
Tick list ready
One name down
Another to promise I’ll name my child
Received the update by email
A long personal detailed account
Of what happened
And what exactly went wrong.
All that is projected is confusion
And disbelief
That bad things like this
Could happen.
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Comments by other Members
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 Ticonderoga at 15:58 on 04 May 2005
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Remakably measured and objective description of a moment which we've all been through and which is never any easier to cope with no matter how often you experience it. Strong, cool writing.
Best,
Mike
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Okkervil at 16:40 on 08 May 2005
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This is a great piece, like Mike said, quite startling in it's objective clarity, and striking because of that. 'Received the update by email' is a strange line, sort of detatched, ridiculous. I may be reading it wrong, but I liked it.
Just in terms o'line breaks and stuff, I'd nudge that 'either' onto the line above it... I kinda thought that as it is it encourages you to read it slightly too stilted. Also, I thought maybe the penultimate stanza would read better with the 'exactly' going before 'what happened' on the line above.. though that may push the impotus a bit too much away from what you want. Anyways, thanks for sharing it.
Bye
James
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Account Closed at 12:36 on 13 May 2005
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A very powerful and stark poem - very captivating indeed. I did also wonder about the line, "Another to promise I'll name my child" as I didn't understand it so struggled a little at that point. I'm wondering too about removing the initial caps (unless after full stops!), removing the 3 line stanza, and swopping the order of the middle verses, so you get something like:
No words emerge.
No tears
either.
All that is projected is confusion
And disbelief.
I am not a believer
that bad things happen to good people;
I understand simply
that bad things do
happen.
Another death,
tick list ready,
one name down.
Another to promise I’ll name my child;
received the update by email.
And usually
I’d quite enjoy
talking to you
about my views on life and morality.
But I have not cried yet.
I have not spoken.
All that is projected is confusion
and disbelief
that bad things like this
could happen.
I don't know though - it's just a personal view! A marvellous and haunting poem indeed.
LoL
A
xxx
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 Mr B. at 12:46 on 10 June 2005
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Made more powerful by its detachment, as others have commented. It has a strong sense of suppressed emotion, reflective of being in that situation. Honest, simple and effective.
Nice one,
Anthony
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Plagious at 01:06 on 09 September 2005
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A paradox with the first line, "No words emerge"
If not verbally, then certainly in your mind and
how one expresses grief. Perhaps they remain
thoughts as we are not really allowed to speak
freely of our true feelings and emotions?
The piece struck a chord. Thank you.
Plagious
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