Login   Sign Up 


A Storm Brewing.

by laurafraser 

Posted: 09 May 2005
Word Count: 135
Summary: Yet another name change and a slightly different poem...

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

lying listening to the insomniac’s singing their song
lavishing the ravishing & people I love as I stand
sighing, watching the hummingbird flying,
surmising all these stories & glories submerged then
singing, whistling & swirling my skirt so that it’s
swishing, spreading my arms as I sink into sand.
swimming, stroking the sea & the seaweed scattered o’er it
sucking the salt from my thumbs.
stripping, flinging the clothes from my skin,
smothering the clowns in my life, then
stirring the emotions so like potions that nestled with the best
on that snow-white foaméd crest, come galloping forwards to destroy
prisms sparkling like rhythms hanging from ceilings
creaking in the wind whirling in the wood.
squinting, opening & closing,
kissing soft smooth silken brown skin,
smiling, sleeping doves cooing by my side,
sunlight sparkling within.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Felmagre at 13:11 on 09 May 2005  Report this post
Certainly, the poem speaks more of sensations than sounds, but then that may well be the ways it comes across to me.

laurafraser at 14:26 on 09 May 2005  Report this post

THank-you for that, sudden afflatus as to what title should be because of you!


joanie at 18:43 on 09 May 2005  Report this post
Hi Laura. The whole thing sounds just like the swishing skirt - lovely 's' sounds. I get a feel of twirling, blissfully.


laurafraser at 19:17 on 09 May 2005  Report this post
thanks joanie, for your comments-always much appreaciated

Okkervil at 07:59 on 10 May 2005  Report this post
Once again, brilliant! Sometimes things slightly transcend criticism, on first viewing. It's like they're above such petty things. Y'know, I first got that with Coffee and Cigarettes, which may diffuse the point somewhat as with hindsight and a few more viewings, it's a little self-indulgent and not always terribly well acted (still one of my favourite films though, nestling alongside the Lion King and Hell Drivers). But that's not the point! I mean, the initial rush when you read a piece and it carries you to the end and when you get there you think 'well, what on earth are you supposed to say to that?' I didn't even know there were that many words beginning with 's,' and here they're all put together in a way that makes sense, which is lovely. I liked the slightly archaic apostrophisaterations and accentating, but I'm studying Pope at the moment, so I guess that'll be the fall-out for a while. I'm sure 'smiling, sleeping doves cooing by my side' should be a ridiculously camp, theatrical line to a self-concious extent, but it all nestles together quite comfortably for some reason!



Beanie Baby at 21:02 on 13 May 2005  Report this post
Hi Laura,
sorry it's been a while - my life seems a bit of a merrygoround at the moment; so much going on! Anyway - to your poem. I think this is your best yet - and since I like so much of your work - that's saying something. I LOVE your use of ryhme:

"lavishing the ravishing"
"stories and glories"
"emotions so like potions" and - my favourite
"prisms sparkling like rhythmns"

I love the motion of it, the swish of the skirt - and the vibrancy of "sucking the salt from my thumbs".

Beautiful. Thank yopu so mich.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .