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on the cliff edge

by Ellenna 

Posted: 15 July 2003
Word Count: 237
Summary: hanging on ...


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tracing my body with the lightest finger
your eyes avoided mine as you sought to explain
the road to freedom lay not in bond but in separation
that spirits conjoined were , in the end , a bane

i lay back in the hazy sunshine drinking up your words
as one who waits for a steady flow of water to abate
was this explanation for my benefit
or for an ego that you needed to sate

resting on my elbows to stare at your resolute face
I said why complicate the issue
free spirits such as we only exist because of constraints of others
nothing more needs to be said , now just pass me a tissue

I turned and lay like a marble consort in death
staring at the lark in the seamless azure sky
but i couldnt help but smile at the comic situation
that lay between my tears and what now seemed a lie

and as we felt for each others hands
the marram grass whipped like a merciless torturer
you said its good to have a friend in the interim
and I knew you weren't as free as i'd thought you were

so we closed our eyes and like chaff in the wind
surrendered to the lulling waves and sound of foaming spray
and when we awoke and felt each others grip
we wondered why we had ventured to push each other away






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Comments by other Members



Ioannou at 20:40 on 15 July 2003  Report this post
Freedom is slavery. George Orwell said once. Isn't love meant to be liberating? So how come we start off thinking that and then start feeling trapped? I have so many questions today (and yesterday, and for sure, tomorrow). Sorry. You know, I always love your poems. They are so honest. The only line I got confused with was 'you said its good to have a friend in the interim and somehow you werent as free as i thought you were.' Is this still the chap talking? Love, Maria.

Ellenna at 21:17 on 15 July 2003  Report this post
yes, why isn't love always
liberating?Maria... thank you for your lovely comments, a little amendment has it helped?

might hop back to it again. thanks for making me reassess :)

Ellie

bluesky3d at 09:14 on 17 July 2003  Report this post
Ellie,

I like the story-telling aspect of this. Some might think that the rhymes might intervene a touch too much between your thoughts and the page, and then between the page and the reader, but the more I read it, the more the rhymes seemed to add irony and pathos... issue, tissue etc.
Great!

Andrew :o)

Ellenna at 17:40 on 17 July 2003  Report this post
yes thanks Andrew.. those particular rhymes do sound somewhat trite out of context ... it was her putting on a brave face and getting angry to cope... dont know if that came over?.. it ended as she lay like a stiff marble statue.. cos she had heard it all before

Hard to judge isnt it if people pick up what is intended... all comments welcome!

Ellie



bluesky3d at 17:51 on 17 July 2003  Report this post
Ellie,

I read somewhere that researchers have found that two-thirds of men are thinkers, while two-thirds of women are feelers.

Your poem seems to be part of the continuation of the exploration of the theme of Venus and Mars.

Andrew :o)

Ellenna at 18:34 on 17 July 2003  Report this post
Well
Andrew, perhaps the remaining thirds in that combination are what's keeping the universe ticking..cos venus and mars look like they need a bit of sunlight and moonshine!

Ellie


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