I was scooting through a website today and came across this list of bizarre How-To books. I've included the Amazon links so that you can see that these are real.

I'm guessing that there is a 'How to Get Your Ludicrous How-to book published'.


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I arrive with Cheryl at the leisure centre in Doncaster the night before my first convention appearance. As the bored girl with a clipboard searches for my name on her list I try to give her my petrol receipts. “We don’t cover expenses I’m afraid," she says.

I study her. “I get a refund for the hotel room, though, right?” She laughs softly. She thinks I am joking. Cheryl squeezes my arm for support, a gesture I appreciate because I know the money spent has pained her more than I.

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Carried on typing up yesterday’s minutes this morning and attempting to sort out the teething troubles on my new computer, ie no printing facilities, emails that go through copious spellchecks before being sent and my missing screensaves. After all, how am I supposed to get through the day without seeing the front covers of all my books drifting before my eyes??... I can’t survive without at least some ego massage, you know ...

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...Bored. Bored and twitchy. Bored and twitchy and more than a little neurotic.


It occurred to me today that when I am not writing I am totally and utterly insufferable. All I seem to do is wander around trying my hardest NOT to think about writing. Either that, or I am looking at articles about writing, listening to pods about writing, or reading about writing. (It is not lost on me that I am now writing about writing!!!)


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I start my new job next week and am really looking forward to it, especially since my friend has offered me a room in their lovely Victorian terrace house. It saves the hassle of looking for a place and those nasty old deposits etc...

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Two emails from editors this morning. First up:

Thanks for sending that story along. It's not too bad, but our submissions are full, and we're not going to have the room to run it. Hopefully you'll be able to find another home for this piece. I hope you're able to think of us again in the future.

"Not too bad"? Yikes. I'd rather he'd said he hated it than implied it was mediocre. I think they call that damning with faint praise?

Here's the other one:


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It is funny the way things work out don't you think? All I have to do now is get some proper Work lined up - a commission or two, a couple of talks and maybe some workshops. I am also playing with a Brand New Idea. Not the historic novel as yet - that remains ongoing. But I have been bandying this idea around for a new weekly column somewhere if I can persuade an editor to try it out. I won't say too much here, but I promise I will keep you updated. If I can pull it off, it could lead to all kinds of things - so watch this space.....


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It's been an interesting few days in terms of short story submissions, rejections and acceptances. Seems as though quite a few editors have got to work sorting through slush piles, because in the past week I have heard back about several submissions:

a tiny flash story, Heart, was accepted by Magazine Minima, with suggested edits to cut it from around 50 words to even less, and which I accepted because it's an astonishingly funky online 'zine employing technology beautifully, in my opinion, and I'd love to be in it;......

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Good grief. Monday again – funny how quickly the darn day comes round. Also annoying that I feel fine today, having felt like a squeezed-out sponge all Saturday and Sunday. Typical!

Anyway, today, I have caught up with my emails and it looks like nothing too drastic happened while I’ve been away. Thank goodness. I’ve had to get my Focus Hat on this lunchtime though, as I’ve had to minute the Steering Group meeting. And I’m not convinced that particular hat is entirely uncrumpled today really ...

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Despite what I said in that last post, saying that writing “is what I do”, I haven’t really done a lot of it in the past few days. Well, not really creative writing. I banged out 1,500 words of college work (defining Special Needs and support) this afternoon and I managed 500 words of utter drivel late on Saturday night.


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