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WriteWords Members' Blogs
If you are a WriteWords member with your own blog you can post an extract or summary here and link through to your blog. Alternatively you can create a blog here on WriteWords (also accessible via your profile page).
Editing city and the joys of being selfish Have spent all day editing The Gifting and feel a lot happier now. Which means I have rewritten the grand total of 28 pages and I am now on Chapter Ten, page 203 of 450. Bloody good going, Carruthers, we cry! I know it may not seem much but, bearing in mind I'm adding in three extra voices and turning Simon's first person view point to a third person one, I'm pretty damn pleased. And at least it gets me out of the first stage of his journey and just about to cross over into the second. One stage down and three to go, eh. So, I feel exhausted but satisfied ... Read Full Post
Hello one and all. Pleased to tell you that my mum is okay after her accident. She has got a long way to go before she completely recovers but she is getting there. Super Aunt is taking her home to Camberley next week to help her recuperate and I am sure she'll be fine, but it was a scare, there is no doubt about that!
So here it is - the great writing update. I am starting to pick up my pen again. I just seemed to lose my way in the word maze for a few weeks and I have been struggling to focus on anything. Today however, I have managed to enter two poems for children for a competition and uploaded another to WriteWords which is the best writer's site I have ever come across. It is my intention - misguided or not - to enter at least one competition every month this year. Read Full Post
You see what I have to contend with. I seem to be converting my blog into a video blog. You'll have to follow the link to see my latest video diary. It's a response to some of the copycat videos that were made after my first little film. Read Full Post
Stories and pork pie mysteries Was delighted to see last night that my piece of flash fiction, “A vegetable year”, is now on the Storytellers’ Café site (see full post for links!) – hope you enjoy the read. I was obviously in feminist mood … The site itself is great and well worth a browse – some marvellous stories and excerpts on there from some top-notch writers. I particularly loved the FAQs section. Now if only someone would tell us the answers, eh ... Read Full Post
Gents by Warwick Collins (and other recommendations for "wafer-thin books" It is difficult when describing this book not to find yourself trotting out phrases that make it sound less than it is: “this little book”, “this slim volume”, “a quiet yet sweet story”, “ a simple tale”.
On the other hand there is an equal danger in outlining the enormous themes (tolerance, race, culture, maleness and that’s before you even get to homophobia, religion and anal sex.…) of making this warm and humorous book sound heavy and off-putting, or even disturbingly graphic.
Gents is none of these things. And it is testament to the beautifully-judged writing that it falls into none of those traps. Read Full Post
The Liar's Diary by Patry Francis Blogging is not just about unburdening our feelings and whinging. It can also be for a noble purpose, and this is one of those. Author Patry Francis, whose debut novel The Liar’s Diary came out in hardcover from Dutton last spring, was recently diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. After undergoing several surgeries, her prognosis is good. Today sees the trade paperback release of The Liar's Diary, but, since Patry won't have much energy to promote the release, a large number of blogging authors across the globe are getting together to do it for her. This is the blogsphere at its best! Read more about it on Maryanne Stahl's blog.
And the good folk at Penguin are supporting this initiative: Penguin Group USA would like to offer 15% off the paperback edition of The Liar’s Diary when purchased online from us.penguingroup.com until 2/15/2008. On the shopping cart page, enter PATRY in the ‘coupon code’ field and click ‘update cart’ to activate it. Read Full Post
Unwillingly to school ... and a nice review! Goodness me, but it was an effort to drag myself out of bed and force myself into work today. That in spite of two extra calming pills, a double shot of my happiness-enducing oestrogen gel and an evening primrose/starflower oil pill. Do you think I’m too reliant on my new age herbals? I’m planning for the Rescue Remedy spray later … Read Full Post
I know all there is to know... ...about the waiting game...
The thing with writing is that you do a lot of waiting. You wait, in many instances, until the muse strikes and then - if you work full time like me - you wait until you get home until you actually have the opportunity to write.
Then you send your book off and wait for your agent to say whether she likes it which, even though you tend to get a response in a week or so, feels like the longest wait of your life. Read Full Post
lifestyle guides to the 21st century
How to be funny
Ha, ha ha?
ha-ha HA!
A ha & aha, ha ha.
Huh?
The funniuns
Comedians are funny unless they wear goggles and insert the word ‘Chubby’ into their mundane name, like erm Mr Roy Brown. So complete it spells Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown, just to clarify Roy Chubby Brown is not funny. Saying that, fat people are hilarious. The retarded are accidentally, so funny. Foreign people who can’t speak our language, “I cun’t open fist.” Mental people seem to be designed specifically for our benefit and should be placed at really boring and emotionally extreme points in your life for insanity relief. Fascists are disgustingly entertaining to the point of making you want to join the ‘cock fighting collective’ just to spend time with these unbelievable characters. Whereas fundamentalists are deadly shockingly comedy cum-corks willing you to pop them.
Laughable
Try to emulate these groups, take up full-time Cat Slaying. On your travels to slay the biggest bitch name every human being 'pop-chops' while walking on your elbows.
Jokes
D'you know the one about the dog in a pub and a pint of piss, no, I don’t either. Jokes like this have a surreal nature, playing on distinct stereotypes and do include penetration and/or your mum.
Your mum jokes are used by people who spend a lot of time on Teken 4 playing their stoned friend and laughing inanely on the way they can repeat Americans who play too much Teken 5 while smoking crack.
Knock knock jokes are told by your Gran.
Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. This is a joke designed by Welsh people. It pokes fun at the Irish and Scotch ultimately blaming the English because of their lack of defining stereotypical behaviour other than stupidity and overall lunacy devoid of even a basic understanding over their rented, begrudging, Empire.
Jokes about famous people who have recently died or being sexually abused, murdered or are afflicted with some disability of terminal like infliction always come with a warning of ‘I don’t know about this one’ which in itself is a lie. The result is always this strange ‘owwwhh’ noise that neither validates it’s humour, makes the listener happy he heard it and leaves both individuals with a uncomfortable (last night I think I accidentally masturbated in a synced rhythm to you and your girlfriend fucking) silence.
Racists jokes are lovingly told like accurate straight laced statements of fun that just so happen to be a liiiittle bit prejudice against a minority population who they don’t understand and extol any differences to make them inferior without cause or justification. These jokes are concluded with a jiggling potbelly.
Dress
Those amusing t-shirts with “dyslexics are teople poo or I’m good in bed (I can sleep forever)” are only to be worn if you fancy sipping a pint of mild with barstools and oxygen. Funny looking people generally have wardrobes that resemble tatty fancy dress shops. Every morning they turn the light off and run around their shelter and anything that sticks to their sweat coated torso is a wear-wear tack-tack.
Audience
The best audience isn’t your friends. There is always a funny one in your friend group that manages to say something succinct and witty at precisely the same moment your brain tries to muster something it might retort that gets you out of the funny ones onslaught to your statement that slave workers are just fucking ungrateful badly-dressed wannabe bastards.
Docile giggling buffoons are what you’re aiming for. Remember to note that these people laughed for nine hours when Graham Norton said ‘mmm these are nice’ while eating a packet of salted nuts and regard Jim Davidson as a social commentator.
Performance
Like the large gypsy women who shouts foreign slurs if you don’t pay for her and her child to live for free, to Tod Touch, who touches everything in some intricate, planned out stage play while raping Bing Crosby’s back catalogue. You have to start with some sort of grossly embarrassing but confident comedy performance. Create an unscripted scene and act it out in a scene, making a scene while a scene watches in shock and ore, observe the Iraq War.
The show must go on
No it shouldn’t. Just because you want to be funny, in it’s sad, honest, eagerness does not make you funny. You can’t buy or learn timing. You can hone a talent that’s already there, you can’t just invent it because some women on Facebook said that she likes funny men. Or that everyone seems to like Russell Brand at the moment and I’m not very attractive and haven’t got much style and my hair’s thin, ginger and curly, I’m shit at taking drugs and I’m a dwarf with spot boils, right what’s left, well death with the slight recumbence that at least you're not one of those people who THINKS he’s funny. Read Full Post
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tiger_bright
Lola Dane
jollyroger@outgun.com