This is of no help whatsoever but your post reminded me of this piece that I wrote several years ago!
Ordering a Round of Drinks
in a South London Pub
Edited by Mickey at 20:56:00 on 23 September 2016
"A’wight, John? Wotch‘avin?"
"Nah - ‘smy rahnd, ta mate, cheers.
Two pyntsa Best please dahlin’
(wouldn’tcha like one a them rahnd each ear?!)"
"Nice one, luv - wotsa damage?…
git one yerself aht the change,
an giz two bagsalt ‘n vinegar.
Wotzat? - ‘Plain’ fer you, Dave?"
Line 1 (David to John)
"Hello John - How are you? What can I buy you to drink?"
Line 2 (John to David)
"No - it is my round, but thank you my friend - Your very good health"
Line 3 (John to Barmaid)
"Two pints of your very best bitter ale my Dear"
Line 4 (John in a jocular aside to David)
"Goodness me, John - How would you fancy nuzzling her cleavage?"
Line 5 (John to the returning Barmaid)
"Thank you my Dear. How much do I owe you for my purchase?"
Line 6 (John as a generous afterthought to the Barmaid)
"Please retain as much of my change as is necessary to buy yourself a beverage as well"
Line 7 (John to the Barmaid again)
"Oh yes, and could I also have two bags of Salt and Vinegar flavoured crisps?" (Additional translation for American readers - ‘crisps’ = ‘chips’)
Line 8 (John to David who has interjected at this point)
"One moment - Are you saying that you would prefer a packet of Plain, unflavoured crisps, David?"
Good luck with your screenplay me old mate
Edited by Mickey at 20:55:00 on 23 September 2016