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  • Feedback needed ASAP!
    by vanityrambles at 11:31 on 13 November 2015
    So this is the "first chapter" of my novel and I would love some feedback please! Regarding the length, yes I know it's short, but it's meant to be! I would like to know what else I could include just to bump up the wordcount by another 300-500 words? Thank you in advance!

    "There was a blustering wind that blew down Chancery Lane on that faithful April morning. Dead crispy winter leaves danced with the fresh green newborns that the previous month had birthed. The sun was just rising over the gabled roofs that housed so many secrets and began to glisten off of the soft spring dew that lay blissfully on the rows of white picket fences that boxed in so many lies. The street looked so peaceful at this time of the morning. The white wooden cladded houses were completely identical with matching black trimming around the window frames and doors, the varnished pillar box red front door that looked so welcoming to guests and the miles of crisp white picket fencing that stretched as far as the eye could see, with the only difference being the flowers that bloomed in the window boxes that were identically hinged an inch bellow the black trimming of the windows. The paths that led from the crimson doors of hell to the innocent white gate of freedom was a long journey that was paved with miniature ferns, bushes shaped into perfectly portioned spheres and was met by impeccably trimmed rose bushes at the sturdy white gate posts.
    There was no noise, apart from the distant cries of a lonely lark who sat solemnly on the broken bones of an old oak tree that took residence at the head of the road. Everything was so pristine and clean. From the outside, there was no real evidence that these wooden palaces housed human life. There were no children's toys cluttering up the front lawn, there were no cars parked on the perfectly even gravel driveways nor were there any names stencilled onto the clinically white mailboxes that could be found at the beginning of every pathway. The pavements outside the houses were not jumbled with childrens’ chalk paintings or hop-scotch pads. There was not a single piece of litter nor a single piece of chewing gum that has been trodden into the smooth concrete slabs. The road was not yet cluttered with the pricey metal and rubber calamities that was so familiar to its surface, but was congested with a mixture of green and brown leaves floating aimlessly in the air. As the sun fully rose from behind the final roof at the end of the street the silence was broken by the chorus of alarm clocks that chimed and buzzed at the stroke of 6am which abruptly awoke so many from their slumber."
  • Re: Feedback needed ASAP!
    by Anna Reynolds at 16:17 on 28 November 2015
    Hi Vanityrambles, the best way to get feedback on WriteWords is to join one of the groups- have a look at the Groups tab and see what looks most suited to you. You are unlikely to get feedback via the forum as this is really more for chatting, ideas, questions about writing, and Groups is where feedback happens. Good luck!
  • Re: Feedback needed ASAP!
    by Freebird at 17:07 on 30 November 2015
    yes, put it in one of the groups and we'd be more than happy to comment :)