It is very tricky this writing business. I have several worries because my novel is partly autobiographical, and I'm afraid some people may recognise shades of themselves in the narrative when it comes out.

Of course, I have already distanced myself from it, so it feels like a fiction. And fiction is a LOT stranger than truth, no matter what anyone says.

I have never been tied to a chair though, or tied anyone else up.

JB

JB, if you think fiction is always stranger than truth you should read Augusten Burroughs' memoirs, Running With Scissors! Believe me, no one could make that stuff up.

I'm sorry, people, I'd had a few too many glasses of wine after mentioning my memorable early date question. The most I will say is that it involved a request for a sexual act phrased in a very .. um.. inventive way!

Yeah, London Calling is one of the coolest album covers ever, but I think Nirvana Nevermind just beats it for me.

And I'm off to do that question list for one of my characters now....

Cath

Sorry people who are sick of this, but it had to be done! Here's one for Tash from Tash and Kev....

NAME: Natasha Helen Cox
SEX: Female
HOME: Just moved to an ex-council house in Stanhill, a NW London suburb.
HEIGHT: 5’6”
EYES: blue.
HAIR COLOUR: blonde (highlighted).
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS? I don’t believe in any of that stuff.
FAVOURITE BOARD GAME: Trivial Pursuit - although I never get as many right as I think I will.
FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Glamour.
FAVOURITE SMELL: Kevin’s after-shave (don’t know what it’s called, though).
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Failure and waiting for Kevin to call!
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Kissing Kevin (but I’d never tell anyone that).
FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Kelis’ latest album.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Put the kettle on for Mum otherwise she’s in a bad mood all day.
ROLLER COASTERS ~ DEADLY OR EXCITING? Exciting, but only once, then it gets boring and makes me feel sick.
PEN OR PENCIL? Pencil - I like drawing.
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? My phone plays Kelis ‘Milkshake’. I don’t wait to answer unless it’s Kevin, then I wait until the last point before it goes to voicemail, which is halfway through the chorus.
FUTURE SON’S NAME? Never thought about it, but something unusual.
FUTURE DAUGHTER’S NAME? See above.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? My mum’s a pain, but we get on. I don’t see my Dad much and when I do he always makes me feel crap.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME? No.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla.
FAVOURITE ICE CREAM: Mcflurries.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? I’ve still got two years before I can get my provisional. I don’t like driving with my mum, though, because she swears at everyone and listens to Capital.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? No, I’m not really that kind of person.
THUNDERSTORMS: COOL OR SCARY Cool, if I’m indoors.
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Charlize Theron, so she could give me acting tips.
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Aquarius.
WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE POET? Carol Ann Duffy and Sylvia Plath.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCOLLI? Do microwave meals have broccoli stems in?
GIRLS, WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GUY FOR HIS SHIRT? If he was Freddy Prinz Junior and I was drunk, maybe.
GUYS, WOULD YOU GIVE A GIRL THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK?
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Actor or artist.
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Blonde - lots of people say my hair is nice as it is.
IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE? Something small I designed myself so no one else had it, probably on my hip.
IF YOU COULD GET A PIERCING, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE? My belly, something with my birthstone.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? I think I’m on the way now.
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Nothing yet as we’ve only just moved in and Mum is going to paint the walls.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Half full.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SOFT DRINK? Raspberry peach Snapple.
FAVOURITE MOVIE: Thirteen.
ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Righty.
IF YOU COULD LIVE ANY WHERE YOU WANTED, WHERE WOULD IT BE? New York.
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Lawn mower because I like the small of cut grass and the noise reminds me of summer.
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Magazines, old letters and posters I had up in my old house.
WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR? I don’t know much about cars.
FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH? I don’t really like sports.
FIVE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR POCKET/BAG Extra chewing gum, Snoopy mini hairbrush, lip gloss or balm, mobile, bus pass with different coloured stars stuck all over it and passport photos of me and my best friend Kelly inside.

Hi Catherine, could you or Tash please answer a question that's been bugging me for months? In Kelis's song, is "milkshake" street slang for something really naughty, and if so, what??? I watched the vid several times at the gym and couldn't work it out (there's nothing like MTV, or, indeed my gym, for making me feel old and out of touch).

Thanks,

Adele.

There is an online 'Urban Dictionary' I'm sure you could google it up. It is quite fascinating and not a little amusing. And yes, I'm pretty sure milkshake has connotations other than the obvious. Worth a look.

Darryl

Hmmm... Tash is on her way to school now. She'll have to get back to you later....

Many thanks Darryl. Found it, and it's not nearly as smutty as I thought (must go and wash my mind out):

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=milkshake

Think I'll bookmark that site for future MTV translation work!

Adele.

Fear is highly inspirational, in a number of ways. I will never forget my second dive in the Red Sea, a place called Shark's Bay. It was a sheer wall of coral dominating the view right to the surface on the left, and on the right... nothing. Just a big empty blue space. Only it's not empty, and you know it. This is the Red Sea, populated by your pick of large, predatory sharks, including Tigers, Hammerheads and occasional Great Whites. You want to concentrate on the beautiful coral and the life swimming among it to your left, but every now and then, you glance right, and you swear you see something move. dark shapes, hanging on the edge of your visibility. You remember the story you read in the free Dive magazine on the plane, about the Tiger shark attack in the Red Sea. The fatal Tiger shark attack.

The shapes look increasingly like sharks now, circling and following your dive party along their path across the coral wall. You realise you're practically panting, and the air in your tank is half gone already. You try to calm yourself by staring intently at a little clown fish poking it's stripy body in and out of some living rocks. But taking your gaze away from the abyss only panics you all the more.

It occurs to you suddenly that you haven't even glanced below you. The coral wall disappears beneath into another abyssal blue vastness, only so slightly darker that any shapes are well hidden. Helpless, 18 metres below the surface - even if you were attacked, you can't get to the surface safely for at least a whole minute, and that's by ignoring the 5 minute safety stop - you become desperate to ignore the open water. There's nothing there. Nothing there. It's all in my head.

Of course, I want to actually dive with eral sharks at some point. Most of them are relatively harmless, and all of them are beautiful. It is interesting though, how the sub-conscious takes over in these situations though. A very enjoyable dive =)

IB - that would freak me out big time, I think I'd just give up the ghost and sink to the bottom, waiting to die before the Great White got me! Nah, but imagine that coming out of the blue, straight at you, slamming into the side of you like a ten tonne truck...I been watching too much Steve Irwin recently!

Adele - I think I have a dirty mind too, coz I thought it meant sommik else!

Luv n' milkshakes of all varieties



Dav
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I've always wanted to swim with sharks, minus a cage. It would be a hell of a thrill, and the kind of adrenaline trip that I'd enjoy. I'd end up getting addicted to it - Or eaten

"You go in the cage, cage goes in the water, you go in the water. Shark's in the water, our shark."

Ste

Dav, a dirty mind, toi? I would never have guessed

Hey Adele, I'm no Silverelli - remember, I have the smooth talking charm too, then hit 'em with the dirty mind! I know you know that tho, mon amie. Anyway, dirty minds can be fun

Just kidding - I don't think that much of myself, honest. I'm rubbish at chatting people up in the flesh!

Luv, chat up lines and consolatary chicken legs


Dav

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dav

You deffo got the banter and the repartee. Just take a load of post-it notes with you to the bars. You'll pull in no time.

(Or go down the Dog Star in Camberwell, you won't need to say anything!)

Dave

Cheers Dave,

I may use that idea, or maybe pre-write them, then stick 'em all over my face and body, walk into the bar and start handing 'em out to any suitably fit girl.

Might just try the Dog Star tho' - sounds a top place!

Hmmm, if someone handed me a post-it, i'd have to give them a chance just for originality.

I worked in Camberwell earlier this year. My local was the Sun & Doves. Barmen with 70s porn moustaches and we never could work out if they were being ironic or not....

Cath