Thanks to Grumpy Old Bookman for this link to Jeanette Winterson's column in The Times.

Her Words

The damp squid is hard to beat, but if you fancy a pudding, how about some prophetic rolls?

Emma

Anne Robinson, mocking rather un-posh woman from Gillingham: "Do they have many ASBOs in Gillingham?"

"Oh no, Anne, not a lot of 'ouseboats in Gillingham!"

Nice one, Smudger!

Not really relevant: my grandmother, telephoning a family firm that did upholstery, was told, 'That's right, dear. My husband's tight, and I'm loose.'

Emma

I've always liked 'at crash of dawn'. It captures a certain feeling...

Frances

Someone once said to me:
'...and anyway, she's away this summer. She's gone to Israel to spend some time on a kebab'

I was very much in need of the side re-seaming kit, after that one, I must admit.

I love the kebab, Caroline! - that's really lifted my mood, following a rather dispiriting phone exchange with the Miele service centre. It seems I've broken the vacuum cleaner by using it to suck up liquid (yes - how stupid can you get?) after I spilt a washing-up bowl of soapy water over the carpet while trying to clean the windows... so in future I'm going to avoid doing any housework.

Frances

Frances
Best way, I find.

Lovely!

A friend once memorably remarked that she'd been working over a hot slave all morning.

Lucky girl...

Sarah

My aunt used to have a male colleague who, when they were all getting ready to go somewhere, would say, 'I expect you girls would like a few minutes to titillate yourselves.' Cue a bolt to the Ladies to hide the giggles...

Emma

A work-mate of mine once referred to candle bras, and thought they looked really nice on the dining table but as she further opined you to had to have it with the lights off to get the full effect.

Best

Prosp

When my brother was about eight he saw my mother and I drinking cranberry juice and remarked: 'Have you got thrust?'

My little brother apparently saw a woman with a very large pair of bazongas on the telly and said, 'Mummy, why has that lady got her bottom on her neck'

Yesterday I asked someone 'Did you have a baby or a Caesarian?' This was before I got pissed, but I knew what I meant!

I've just spotted a great typo on the (cough) Big Brother website (I've touch of Insomnia at the mo) 'Aisleyne gets up to peak round the bedroom door'...


S

Emma