Hi

All my work is usually done as third person and in the past tense, I do have this one short story (4.7K words) that is first person and in the present tense, though there are places where I seem to be mixing tenses. (I’ve heard that present tense is not very popular so I’ve tried changing the story to be in the past tense but it just doesn't seem to work for that particular story) So it seems I’ve ended up with historical present which I’m not very familiar with.

Does this sound right?
“She looked like she was going to be sick. Tears have sparkled in her eyes but I’m finding it difficult to feel any pity as I say …”

I’ve tried changing every single verb to be in the present but it just reads so badly and becomes tiresome. Especially when there is a long(ish) dialogue. Does anyone have any advice?

Many thanks!

LittleL, the idea that first person, present tense is 'wrong' is so subjective, I wouldn't even worry about that. It sounds as though your instinct is that this is the right way for your story to go.

I don;t really know what historical present is, but your sentence has maybe got a little muddled, tense wise.

This would sound fine, in my opinion:

'She looks like she is going to be sick. Tears sparkle in her eyes but I’m finding it difficult to feel any pity..'

Go for it, I say!
Hope that helps.

Hi - yes, as Caroline says, some stories just do work better in present tense, though I'm not alone in finding it a bit wearing for a whole novel.

Another possibility is:

'She looks like she is going to be sick. Tears are sparkling in her eyes but I’m finding it difficult to feel any pity..'

Thank you both. Yeah I wouldn’t use present tense for a longer story, this one is quite short.

Caroline, to be honest I’ve only just come across the term historical present after searching for “mixing tenses”, though there seems to be different definitions for it. Perhaps it’s not what I mean here.

I just know that the ending doesn’t have the same impact if it was done in the past tense (the ending is kind of a twist/revelation). But in places where the scene goes on a bit, having everything in the present just doesn’t flow that well. Ughh..

Does anyone have any good examples, short stories set in the present I can read to see how it’s done?

I think you do mean the historical present, but I've never felt it was a terribly useful term (I suspect it comes from French, like so many terms in linguistics, where they do have a genuine, separate Past Historic tense, used purely for narrative).

I see that Wikipedia also calls it the Narrative Present or Dramatic Present, which makes it clearer:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historic_present

The best exploration of the pros and cons of using present tense that I've found is an essay in David Jauss's On Fiction. One of these days I shall blog about it properly, but meanwhile these were my thoughts a couple of years ago. Which might help to illuminate the problem you've got with the end of your story - present tense is so inflexible for a narrative, I find...

<Added>

The Jauss is actually On Writing Fiction. Fantastic book which I first found thanks to WWer MPayne:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Writing-Fiction-Rethinking-Conventional-Wisdom/dp/1599632624

I'm not a fan of the present tense but there are many who swear by it. I don't think there's any way in which you should mix past 'she looked' with present 'I'm finding'. However, you could use the present perfect ('have' plus something) in the second present-tense sentence, but not with a verb like 'sparkled'. 'tears have sparkled' suggests that they did sparkle at one time but no longer, i.e. it's a past event, so the tenses are mixed. However, you could get away with 'Tears have appeared in her eyes' or 'Tears have appeared sparkling in her eyes' because 'have appeared' suggests not only that they did appear but crucially that they are still there. The acid test for use of the present perfect in this situation is whether the thing that has happened is persisting into the present.

As for a good example of effective use of the present and present perfect tenses in a short story, I'd point you to The Paperback Macbeth from ww's Susannah Rickards' excellent Hot Kitchen Snow collection.

I like the present tense! But then I have written a book this way, so I guess I would. Maybe it's more common in YA..

Me too. Very common in Womag fiction.

Firstly, thank you all so much for the advice and the links. Forgive my ignorance but I’m not really used to the present tense.

Thanks Emma for your article, very informative. The comments are useful too.

Chris thanks, good point. I think perhaps I was subconsciously thinking about present perfect with the “have sparkled”, as in it has happened but only just recently, which to me sounds better that having every single verb in the “now moment”. (hope that makes sense, I’ve had some wine!)

So is it acceptable to mix simple present and present perfect tenses?

Or on another note, could it possibly work if only the ending is in the present and everything else is in the past tense? Is that “allowed”?

ps I’ve googled Womag and came across World of Marble and Granite, lol sorry!

Littlel, I would say almost categorically that we don't use the present perfect in story telling unless in speech. You don't say where you're from so I'm guessing English isn't your first language.

So, in your sentence:

“She looked like she was going to be sick. Tears have sparkled in her eyes but I’m finding it difficult to feel any pity as I say …”

I would put it all either in the simple present or the simple past. You can't mix your tenses here. If, for example, there was some more conversation, then you could slip in some present perfect.

"as I say how sorry I am.
"What have you done?" she cries.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think you cared about me."

For instance.

What is your first language, by the way?

Thanks Jem, ah bummer. Maybe I should put this one aside for now and do some more digging first. It’s probably a bad idea to start with this one as it’s not my usual style.

I’m in Suffolk UK, to be honest my first language is no longer my “first” as I don’t use it much these days